My Definition of Motherhood.

My definition of motherhood has changed drastically over the past few years.

Ten years ago, I would have defined it as a woman who birthed or adopted a child and then raised them in their home.  A mother would be a primary caregiver- full of love, good cooking, and hugs.

Some of that definition remains true, yet I've realized how much I missed the mark on what true motherhood is.

Motherhood cannot and should not be compartmentalized into a 50's sitcom.  It is so much broader and richer than June Cleaver and Mrs. Brady.

I have not birthed or adopted a child. Yet I am a mother.

For five months this past year, we had a 20 year old young man living with us to get on his feet.  He needed a place to stay, guidance on his future, stability, and love.

There is another young man in our lives whose mom currently lives 500 miles away.  He has no place to stay, so he lives with his girlfriend's family while he finishes high school.  He watched his father pass away in front of him a few years ago.  He has no family here.  He calls my husband and I, "Mom and Dad."

We have a foster baby that has been living in our home the past six months.  He is in state custody but we provide his everyday necessities- food, clothing, snuggles, and lots and lots and lots of love.

I did not birth or adopt any of these young men.  But they are my sons.

Motherhood has many different faces and each one of them is so significant.

The mother who birthed their children.
The mother who adopted their children.
The mother who fosters their children.
The mother who raises their sister's and brother's children.
The mother who raises their children as a single parent.
The mother who shares parenting roles because of divorce and remarriage.
The mother who mentors young men and women.
The mothers who waits with a child in their heart but not yet in their hands.
The mother who has lost little ones too early.
The mother who cares for children at an orphanage somewhere around the world.
The mother who chose for another family to care for the child she birthed.

A mother is wisdom, guidance, empathy, compassion, hugs, tears, smiles, laughter, joy, discipline, nurture, and love.

Whether you have four kids at home or you've never had a child live in your house- chances are you've been a mother to someone.

I pray you feel valued and loved today and everyday- your role in this world as a mother is significant and desperately needed.

Your story to motherhood may or may not look typical, but it is YOUR story and YOUR influence is changing the lives and the hearts of those you are caring for....

Keep on keeping on.

A Letter to My Fourth-Graders.....I mean, College Graduates....

I took my first teaching job just outside of Atlanta in 1999. I was fresh out of college, new to the big city, and looking about seventeen years old.   I actually wasn't much older.... a whopping 22 and given a classroom of twenty-five kids.  Who allowed that???


My first class of students were fourth graders and I absolutely adored them.  I somehow lucked out with a bunch of really sweet kids who got along and listened to a teacher that could have been their older sister.


Those kids are graduating from college this month.  Gulp.
(Well, most of them.  There are some on the five and six year plans- much love for y'all too)


This is my letter to them.




To my Crabapple Crossing Fourth grade class of 1999,


First of all, thank you.  When you walked into my classroom on that August morning, you had no idea that I was a nervous wreck and pretty sure I was going to ruin all of you for life during your year with me. I had been put in charge of twenty-five precious, vulnerable minds and was expected to actually teach you things that you would take into the rest of your life.  Yowsers.  Quite a challenge.


Thankfully, you were up for the challenge.  You were willing to learn, you asked funny (and sometimes inappropriate) questions, and you made me want to come to work everyday.  I loved my year with you.  So much in fact, that I moved up with you went you went to fifth grade.  I got two great years with you.  You were my favorites.  Seriously.  (Ignore the fact I told all my other classes that too.)


And then you graduated high school and I was there, with tears in my eyes, watching you walk and get your diplomas, wondering how time flew by so fast.  I wrote you Red Letters, encouraging you as you stepped into college.  Prayed for you as you went off to UGA, Auburn, GA Tech, Alabama....


Four years later, you are walking to get another diploma.  And somehow I'm still only turning 25 this year.  It's amazing, huh?


If I could tell you a few things as you graduate  from college this month- here is what I want you to know....


1. This is your time to GO.  It is the best time of your life to travel where you've always wanted-  you have decades ahead of you to work at that job, find your significant other, buy your dream home....   THIS is the time to travel, to serve, to go where you feel like you are being called.  Move away from good ol' Alpharetta- experience other parts of the country or even the world.  You can always come home.  And mom will be there to hug you. 


2. Don't settle.  Now that you are potentially heading out to the "real" world, you've got some decisions to make.  Where you need to work, where to put down roots, who to marry....all questions you may feel that need to be figured out ASAP.  They don't.  You don't need to take the first job that comes along.  You don't need to marry your college sweetheart.  They may be great, but if they aren't the best, don't fall into the trap of getting engaged/married just because that's what everyone does.   You've got all the time in the world - don't settle for the first thing that comes along because that's what everyone else may be doing.  


3. Be a game-changer.  You are leaving college with a fresh perspective, new ideas, and a willingness to work.  Use those gifts to change the world.  There is lots to be done to make this world healthier, safer, and a better place.  Please be a part of the change.  My generation and those older than me NEED your heart and your vision to partner and build on what we've been doing. 


I am so, so proud of the men and women you have become and thankful to have walked a small part of the journey with you. Thank you for the sweet memories you gave me 13 years ago. 


Praying for you as the next adventure begins in your life. 


GO.  Don't settle.  Be a Game-Changer.  And come visit if you're ever in Montgomery, AL.  


Love you all, 
Ms. Harris 

A Few Small Ways to Make a Big Difference...

Foster Care has gotten a bad rap over the years.  In fact, most people don't even entertain the idea of ever becoming a foster parent because of it's reputation.  I can say that was definitely me for many years.  


In just the past year, I've gotten to meet quite a few foster parents, some who having been fostering for decades, while others just a few years.  I often ask them what are some of their needs- because being a foster parent can be lonely.  Because of it's stinky reputation, some people in the community can't understand why in the world anyone would ever foster---And they stay far, far away from the situation.  


But foster care isn't scary, it's just a process that's often filled with a lot of unknowns.  The kids are kids- some need more nurturing and stability than others, but they are still kids.  


If you don't know any foster families in your area, I encourage you to get to know some.  


If you do know some families, here are a few ways that you and your family can help them.  While they may never ask for it, so many families would love to have the community come around and support them in the journey. 


1.  Pray for them.  The Foster Care process can be emotionally and physically draining.  Families who are fostering need a community around them who are praying for their journey.

     

    2.  Provide a meal.  Many times, a foster family has less than a days notice before taking in a child.  The first few weeks are often needed to get to know one another and establish a routine.  Some families can get babies as young as two days old, so sleep comes at a premium.  Having meals provided lifts a huge burden for families who have just taken in a child.

    3.  Donate baby clothes, diapers, wipes, or toys.  If you have these items sitting around your home, please consider giving them to a foster family.                      

    4.  If your state foster care system allows it, offer to babysit for the night or a few hours during the day to give the foster parents a breather or a night out together. 

    5.  When a schoolage child is brought into care, they often have academic delays or gaps.  Provide free tutoring to help them catch up. 

    6. If you are a semi-professional or professional photographer, offer your services for free to foster families.  Foster children do not often have any pictures of themselves, especially if they were taken from their home suddenly.  This is an amazing gift to them that will last a lifetime and provide them with memories to take with them. 

  

These may seem like small things- but they are potentially huge blessings to foster families!!!! 

 

Waiting and Moving

In a few weeks, we'll be at the anniversary of the launch of the ONEfamily ministry.  


It's the adoption/foster/orphan care ministry at our church that I've had the privilege of coordinating. Over the course of this year, it's evolved into something I'd never imagined.  


But to back up a bit......I honestly didn't want to start it/coordinate it/lead it... any and all of the above.  


That's was someone else's job.  Someone who was more qualified.  Someone who had already adopted or fostered, for goodness sake. 


How in the world could I promote and help lead a ministry about orphan care/adoption/foster care when I hadn't done any of that? 


Sure, I wanted the thousands of folks who attend our church to be educated about the millions of orphans around the world. I wanted our church to start doing something about it. 


And yes, we were in the process of international adoption at that point, hoping for a referral at any time, but I wanted to WAIT until we brought our child home. 


I thought it was best to hold off really getting involved until I had gotten my feet wet and had "proof" adoption worked. 


I had decided it would be better for me to get involved in a bigger capacity when people could see that adoption had a face, and that if we could do it, so could they. 


For always thinking how right I am about everything....it's amazing how wrong I often end up being. 


What if I had waited?  


A year later, we are seemingly no closer to our child in the DRC.  Still waiting and praying for a referral. 


If I had waited, I would not have heard a young, married woman in our church share with over 120 people who came to the ONEfamily orientation about her life growing up in the foster care system.   My heart would not have had the chance to connect with her honest plea for our church to step up and provide loving, caring homes for foster children.  


If I had waited, there wouldn't have been a meeting with our DHR social workers that would establish a training class to be held at our church in the fall.  


If I had waited, Brian and I wouldn't have taken that Foster Care Class. 


If I had waited, we wouldn't have the joy and the privilege of fostering this beautiful, precious one who has been in our home for the last five months. The little one who has dramatically and amazingly changed our lives in such a short time. 


If I had waited, we may have not had the opportunity to be fostering alongside seven other new, foster families who took in a combined total of 17 children this year so far.


Too many times, I've waited to jump because everything wasn't aligned or shaping up exactly how I had planned.  


I refused to move because it wasn't comfortable, I felt like I wasn't fit for the task, or I felt like someone else could do it better. 


There's a time and a season for waiting.  It's not always wise to run head-long into every opportunity. 


But there's a time and a season for moving as well.  And all too often, we wait to move because everything isn't lined up right and all the pieces aren't in place. 


I wonder how much we miss out on.


I pray that by our second anniversary of ONEfamily, we WILL have our little one home from the DRC.  But while we're waiting, we've got to keep moving too.   


The growth of this ministry has nothing to do with my vision - because, quite honestly, I imagined we'd have a ministry focused on adoption.  We'd see many families step out in faith and start the process.  A year later- that's not the case. 


Instead, we've become a ministry that is focusing on caring for the Least of These in our own city.  Involving families in a process, foster care, that is usually viewed as scary and wayyyyyy too uncomfortable by the general population. 


Despite the reputation that fostering has, I've watched family after family step out and decide to foster this year.  I've seen how their decision to move has brought them a new perspective on love and grace as they care for these little ones.  And it's changing the lives of those around them too.  


All because families decided to move.  Everything wasn't tied up in a neat package- their biological kids weren't the perfect age, they hadn't updated everything in their house that they wanted to, they weren't sure how adding other children would mix with the family dynamic...  but they moved.  And they found out that having all the pieces together didn't matter anyway. 


So, what about you? Are you waiting when you should be moving? Clinging to the comfortable because letting go has too many unknowns?  Holding out until everything has lined up perfectly? 


It's time to move.   


Would love to hear what that looks like in your life!  

The Laundry Can Wait.

Today was one of those days where not one thing I had planned on doing got accomplished.  Our little guy has a cold and had no plans of taking his daily long afternoon nap.  At least not in his crib.  Instead, I spent four hours holding him, which was not how I intended to spend my afternoon.  I had laundry to do, dishes to finish,  a house to clean and a bazillion emails to send.  

But as I was sitting on the couch, with that little cutie snuggled in my arms, suddenly my to-do's went away....  

And I was left looking at a pair of big brown eyes staring back at me, a perfect nose, and a toothless mouth full of coos and squeals.  

What a reminder to cherish each second with this precious gift.  

For our family, it's a bittersweet reality that we are NOT promised tomorrow with him.  Though we are given timeframes and estimations, he could be moved at any point and it will be over. 

Instead of worrying about what I needed to get accomplished on my never-ending list and instead of focusing on his future--- what he should be doing developmentally in three more months, or how he compares to other babies his age, or when he'll start walking..... I'm enjoying him today.  

*How he's extremely ticklish and his great belly laughs prove it. 

*His little head turning at the sound of our voices. 

*The way he grabs his feet with his hands and is just about to roll over. 

*How he sleeps sprawled in his crib with his hands above his head. 

He is a precious, perfect gift.  Though he is not technically "ours," he has our hearts.  He's teaching me to be thankful for the time that I am given each day and to cherish every minute I have with him.  

One day, Brian and I will have children permanently in our home, through adoption, biologically, or even our little one we have now-  and I pray I will continue to view them as a daily gift and not a burden.  

And as a mom who currently has one child she loves that is not promised to her, I challenge you to be present and cognizant of each day you are given with the children in your life who have been entrusted and promised for a lifetime to you.  

Even if that baby hasn't slept through the night, or your seven year old won't quit whining, or your fourteen year old refuses to clean up their room-  cherish each day with the gifts in your home.  

Cherish who they are today.  Not who they should be or what you want them or hope for them to be in the coming years and months.  Quit comparing them to your neighbors kids or their classmates.  Love them right where they are and celebrate the little things that today brings.  

The laundry can wait.

5 Things on Facebook I Could do Without.

1.  The "Pose." 
Dear Sweet, Beautiful, Well-Toned College Girls, 
That pose you do in all your pictures? You know, where you stand with back arched, chin tilted up, hair cascading down your back, and hand on your hip?  No more, please.  It's time for a new pose and YOU can be the one to start the trend! 
Plus, you're in the best shape of your life.  What you think is a flabby arm now will be viewed as perfection once you hit your mid-thirties.  Promise. 


2. Your Dinner. 
Dear foodies, 
I am in awe that you attempted to make a spinach/red pepper/arugula frittata...but I don't need to see a picture of it. It's also okay for you to keep the photos of what you ordered for Sunday brunch at the newest restaurant in town to yourself.  
I'm all for sharing....your actual dinner. Not a picture of it. 


3. How many miles you ran. 
Dear Marathoners and Crossfit Crazies, 
I haven't kept up my streak of not going to the gym for a good six months to fail now.  All of your double-digit "daily" runs and "tough-mudder" races are making me feel a little lazy.  So quit being so active.  You're making me, I mean, the rest of us look bad. 


4.  Your beach pictures. 
Dear Spring Breakers, 
I've had enough.  Enough of the pictures of the gorgeous white sand.  The clear blue ocean. The sundresses. The tans. 
My jealousy for all things beach is at it's peak.  So no more pictures of you building sand castles and frolicking pool side.  Stop rubbing it in. 


5.  Pictures of me from twenty years ago. 
Dear Old Friends,
Quit trying to wreck my life.  Every picture you put up only worsens the ridicule and abuse I get from my husband and those that got to know me post middle and high school.  


Yes, I had really big eyebrows.  (Why did no one tell me????).  Yes, I may have worn a Nightgown with Garfield on it.  Yes, I may have liked turtlenecks and worn them daily.  


But.....what's past is past.  Let's leave those old photos tucked away in our memory boxes under our beds. You know it's a lot of trouble to scan those suckers onto your computer anyway.  

Where I've been...

I haven't posted in a while because I've been super busy.....


*Planting a backyard garden


*Feeding the homeless


*Making my own baby food


Ohhhh wait....


that's what I read on someone else's blog. 




What I'VE been actually been doing is reading these.... 

And watching this...

Deep, deep stuff. 

On a side note, I've learned that I must use more discretion about our fostering.  So I'll be able to share less specifics with you about our process with the little man.  I'll continue to post about fostering in the general sense, because I truly believe that speaking about foster children gives them a voice and continues to educate families about the process.  If you have questions about the process please feel free to email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com.  

The World WILL Know.

When we started the adoption process, Brian and I both agreed that our first adoption would be from Africa.  I researched the countries open to international adoption- Ethiopia, Uganda, Ghana....  and then I started reading about the Democratic Republic of Congo.

And my heart was broken in two.

One of the poorest countries in the world.


Wracked by civil war.


Young boys made to be child soldiers.


Labeled the MOST unsafe place in the world to be a woman.


Known as the rape capital of the world.

It was sickening.

And much of it is due to a man named Joseph Kony.

He has wreaked havoc on the people of Uganda, DRC, Central African Republic, and the Sudan for the last three decades.

He is the leader of the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army).

He has orchestrated mass destruction of villages, families, and the lives of young children.

Boys as young a toddlers taught to kill their own families.

Girls as young as toddlers used as sex slaves.

Much of it has gone UNNOTICED.

Which is UNACCEPTABLE.

I wrote a post last June about what the LRA has just done in the Sudan.  And it was appalling.

It will make you sick to your stomach.


The Invisible Children organization has been working for a decade to let the world know that these atrocities are occurring.

I'm so excited to announce that they have begun a new campaign to bring fresh light to Joseph Kony.  The hope is to let the world know who this evil man is in order to bring him to justice.  He is NUMBER ONE on the list of most wanted war criminals in the WORLD.

Please take some time to watch this video to learn more about this man and what we can DO to stop him and bring freedom for the children of the DRC, Sudan, Uganda, and Central African Republic.


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.



The world needs to know this man's name.  


The world needs to know what he has done. 


The world needs to do something about it. 

Say Yes

I grew up eating Wendy's fast food at least once a week. Give me a good frosty and french fry combination any day. 

Another thing I love about Wendy's? 

The cause that Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, championed...

which is domestic adoption. 

This is a great, short video that sweetly and vividly illustrates that EVERY child needs a family and needs love. 

The Other Side of His Story

In Year 2 of our marriage I had a lot of free time on my hands.  (aka. I had no job.)  A friend called and said that she had gotten to know a few ladies from one of the homeless missions in our city and she wanted me to meet them and get involved in their lives as well.

Most of the women were prostitutes, former drug addicts or alcoholics, and homeless.  They were currently living in one of two houses that was available solely to homeless women.  In order to stay there, they had to be sober and have no men in their lives.

At that point in my life, it was waaaaaayyyyyy out of my comfort zone.

What would we talk about?

What would they think of me?

(Clearly, my self-absorption shines through in most situations.)

I prayed about it and felt like I had no good excuse not to show up.  So I did.

So, along with three other woman from my church, we started hosting a monthly luncheon for these ladies, complete with a decorated table, cloth linens, and nice china.

We'd spend about two hours with them, eating lunch and getting to know one another first. Then we'd move over to some comfy chairs and we read aloud the book, Redeeming Love, together.  (For those of you who have read it, you understand the significance of that particular book.)  We asked how we could pray for them.  And as the months went on, the women opened up more and more about their pasts and what had brought them to their current situation.

I learned that most of these women had children.  And that those children were currently in foster care.

They would talk about their kids a lot.  And how they loved them and wanted them back.

And you know what? They really did love them.

Were they at the point in their lives where they were able to care for them?  No.

Though (most) of them were following the rules of the house and staying sober, drugs and alcohol had done a number on their cognition and ability to reason well.

None of them had a job. Or a car. Or a way to support themselves.

Most had been supporting themselves on the street.

Doing whatever, whenever, with whoever, to make money fast.

They were still broken.  But that didn't mean they stopped loving their kids.

I spent a year with those women, serving them lunch, visiting them at the halfway house where they lived, trying to help them learn some life skills.

And then some got jobs and moved out.  Some went back on the streets. Others disappeared without a trace.

And that season of my life was done.

Honestly, I didn't really know why God opened that opportunity for me.

Until recently.

When I look in the eyes of our little man, I am reminded of the other side of the story in his life.

I can't share his story because of confidentiality but I can say this.

Do I have a little more grace toward her situation and her life because of what I learned in my year with the women?  Absolutely.

I spent a lot of my life making some pretty strong judgements about the lives of women who live in homelessness, prostitution, and addiction.

I have made a lot decisions about how they should be living but rarely did I do anything to help them get there.

Spending time getting to know the women humbled me.  It opened my eyes to reality of poverty and addiction.

And it opened my eyes to my own sin- my elitist view that I would never let that happen in my own life. My judgement of women who's stories I did not know and who's lives I had no right to judge.

I'd say it's been a good wake up call.